


and sometimes I know I am having a feeling

by dirty_diana



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, F/M, Getting Together, Near Future, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 05:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17037203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirty_diana/pseuds/dirty_diana
Summary: "Let me get this straight," Nate said. "The Bureau knows we're married, so we have to fill out this form to let the Bureau know we're married? And fill out this, uh--" He shuffled through the papers for a moment. "Notification of Consensual Workplace Relationship? Zari and I are not in a relationship."(yet.)





	and sometimes I know I am having a feeling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [who_won_the_race_back_home](https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_won_the_race_back_home/gifts).



> Is Nate going get knocked unconscious in all my LoT fics, yes probably. Does anything serious happen to the goat, no.
> 
> Contains a brief conversation in which a minor character is being Islamophobic.
> 
> Thanks to skripka and llaras for the beta <3.

There was no conversation in the jumpship the whole way home. Ray didn't seem to notice, humming a tune from West Side Story underneath his breath as he manned the pilot's controls, flying them back to meet the Waverider. Mick was slouched over in his seat, tugging at the folds of his toga. Nate tapped his left foot against the metal floor to the beat of a song that was only playing in his head, and the leather slapped against the metal floor. On any normal day Zari would have glared at him for the noise that he was making, or made a sarcastic comment. Instead she shifted restlessly in her seat, refusing to look at him. Nate bristled against a sudden swirling rush of feelings he couldn't identify.

"Well," Mick said, showing his teeth in an expression halfway between amused and a grimace. "That was fun."

* 

As soon as the jumpship's doors slid open, Nate found himself pelted in the face with a fistful of rice. Sara was standing right in front of him in the jumpship's bay. She grinned at the results of her unerring aim. To his right, a small disgruntled yelping noise told him that Zari had been met with the same treatment. Constantine lurked behind Sara, lifting his own handful of rice and tossing the grains at Nate's feet.

"I hear congratulations are in order to the bride and groom." Sara tossed a smile mingled with a sharp look in Nate and Zari's direction.

Nate sighed. "Sara, I know this was my first mission with you guys in months. And I know it went a little off the rails--"

"Ha!" Mick interjected. He fell silent. 

"Oh, come on," Constantine said, his mouth curling sardonically around his cigarette. "Who among us hasn't gotten wasted on wine and gotten married by a half-mad goddess on some sort of matchmaking bender?"

Sara turned to John, her eyebrows raising up in amusement. Mercifully, she let the remaining handful of rice in her hand fall to the floor. "Oh, really? You've been been married, Mister I Walk Alone Shrouded in Darkness?"

Constantine shrugged dismissively. "Now, I didn't say I'd been daft enough to let it happen to me." 

"Hey, it wasn't Nate and Zari's fault. They were just trying not to blow their cover," Ray said. "Getting pretend-married was the most responsible thing to do, if you think about it."

Nate tapped his hand on Ray's shoulder in a grateful gesture. "Thanks, buddy. But I think that'd go over better if Ashtart hadn't gotten away and taken her magic necklace with her."

"It really would," Sara said. 

"I didn't even get to set anything on fire," Mick complained.

"But we did manage to stop Jessica from leaving her husband to join Ashtart's drunken love cult. One superhero birth, still intact."

"Yeah, but who knows how many romances could get wiped from the timeline before we catch up to her," Ray said.

Nate elbowed his best friend gently in the side. "Don't worry. In the morning I'll hit the books, try to get a better handle on Ashtart's magic. We'll be ready for her next time."

Sara nodded thoughtfully, her mouth pulling to one side. "I like your proposal. It has a nice ring to it."

Nate groaned. "That was terrible."

"Just keep me posted."

"Aye, Captain." 

"If we're all done with the terrible wedding puns," Zari said, speaking for the first time in hours, "I'm going to go hide in my quarters and pretend this magic hangover isn't making me want to die." 

"Well, now that that's settled," Constantine said as Zari left the room, looking around at the rest of the Legends, "anyone want to grab a beer?"

Mick grunted affirmatively. "I do."

"Till death do us party," Sara added.

*

It had been a simple mission, in theory. Once they'd talked their way into Ashtart's compound outside, it had been up to Mick and Ray to steal the necklace, while Nate and Zari talked some sense into Jessica Kerr. But the the future Mrs Jordan had been suspicious, Ashtart too curious, and from there the mission had begun to weave itself into a troubled knot. Nate had woken up with Zari fast asleep on his chest, a biting hangover, and a pale yellow wedding veil scrunched into a ball in his hand. Memories of the goddess' laughter echoed in his ears, but Ashtart herself had been long gone.

*

Nate wasn't even halfway through his coffee the next morning when the stack of papers landed on the table next to him. They were kept in place by a file clip that also held down a cheap plastic figurine. Nate tilted his head at the small Beebo, its arms spread wide. He glanced up to find Ava casting a long shadow over him in her usual black suit. Nate shook his head at the file folders. "No, I'm on Legends duty right now. That means all fun. No paperwork."

"Sounds like you've been having a little too much fun. I brought you a Form S-51-3." Ava reached into her jacket and pulled out a pen, handing it to him.

Nate drew his eyebrows together as he racked his brain trying to recognise the form designation. "Reporting of Contact With a Previously Unknown Magical Creature?"

"No, that's 51-B. S-51-3 is for reporting a change in family status resulting from an event that occurred in the field." Ava recited the answer looking all together too pleased with herself. 

Nate sighed. "Sara told you."

"She didn't have to tell me. You geniuses used your real names. When two of our agents pop up on a marriage license dated from well before one of those agents was even born, that pings our computers."

"Wait, marriage license? No, Ashtart gave me a sword and we drank some wine and Z had some holy water poured on her." Nate blinked, memories of the ceremony playing in his brain in a hazy filter. "It was a little bit damp, but it wasn't an actual wedding."

"Tell that to Coast City Municipal Records. Gideon?"

"Ms. Sharpe is correct," Gideon announced. "You and Ms. Tomaz put a ring on it, legally speaking, in 1983 and have been husband and wife ever since."

"Let me get this straight," Nate said. "The Bureau knows we're married, so we have to fill out this form to let the Bureau know we're married? And fill out this, uh--" He shuffled through the papers for a moment. "Notification of Consensual Workplace Relationship? Zari and I are not in a relationship."

"It's protocol," Ava said. Now she sounded slightly offended.

"Did Sara fill out one of these? Never mind, I don't want to know. The forms I get, but what's this for?" Nate picked up the miniature Beebo, brandishing it towards Ava. "Whimsical decorative elements aren't usually your thing."

"I wouldn't even know where to buy one of those," Ava agreed. "Mona picked it out. Said you needed something new."

"And something blue, I'm guessing." 

"Yep. Just because you're not working out of the Bureau office for a few days doesn't mean we can't give you a hard time, right?"

"Joke's on all of you," Nate said, "because I'm keeping it." He slipped the figurine into his pocket.

"Sure. Mazel tov." She smiled at him, looking around the empty galley. "Where is everybody?"

"Out of wedding jokes, I hope, Ava Sharpe."

*

Zari was in the engine room, half-hidden behind a tower of lights and wires with only her legs and feet sticking out. "It's fine," she said, sounding slightly breathless as she continued her work. "I'll sign whatever."

"Okay," Nate said. The conversation was going surprisingly easily so far. He fidgeted in place, sticking his fingers into the pockets of his jeans. The Beebo was still there, the plastic smooth and growing warm. "I was also thinking we could go back to 1983 and get a divorce."

Zari stuck her head into the open for a moment. Her wrench dangled from her fingers. "Uh. Why?"

"So we can go back to the Bureau and straighten out this paperwork," Nate answered. 

"Anarchist, remember? I don't really care what the computers at the Time Bureau say about me." Zari stared at him thoughtfully. "The question is, why do you care?"

Nate bristled. "No reason. Though a forty-six hour marriage will be a great story for my eventual autobiography. Look, I just wanted to take care of this bureaucratic garbage in a, uh, timely, adult manner."

"Adult, huh." Zari rolled her eyes. Her face disappeared back behind the tower of wires.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Zari's voice was muffled, her tone growing irritated. "Just that you moved to Washington and now you have a desk and a nameplate and a 401-K. It's super boring."

"I don't have a nameplate yet. They keep forgetting to order one." Nate frowned at Zari's sneakers, the only part of her that was visible. "Are you saying you think I'm a sellout?"

"If the stupid tie fits," Mick's voice rumbled, unseen.

Nate jumped. He craned his neck around the metal cabinets. Mick was sandwiched between the stacks of equipment and the bulkhead, muscles bulging as he held them in place for Zari to access. "Have you been back there this whole time?"

"Mick's helping," Zari said. Unlike you, her glare added with silent clarity.

The cabinets wobbled, and the whole Waverider trembled unexpectedly as Mick adjusted his balance. Zari cursed, reaching for a line and pulling it out of place. Deftly her hands began to swap it for another.

"Should you be doing this while we're in the timestream?" Nate asked. "Okay. Never mind."

*

Nate retreated to the library. The desk was covered in empty whiskey glasses and a random collection of odds and ends probably left behind after Constantine's spells. Nate looked around warily, peering at an unlabeled bottle whose contents were a bilious green. 

"I don't want to know," Nate muttered. "Gideon, can you play me some music?"

"Of course, Mister Heywood. Anything in particular?"

"Nah. DJ's choice," Nate told the AI. 

Ten minutes later, the room was filled with the noisy sounds of Nate's favourite bands. Nate had cleared off a section of the desk, and opened a stack of history books.

*

"Find anything?"

Nate looked up as Ray entered the library. He shook his head. His head felt fuzzy, and his mouth had gone dry. "Not yet? How long have I been at it?"

"A few hours. Sara sent me to get an update, and I also brought you a cup of coffee and an all-natural, low-sugar protein bar."

Nate took the items gratefully. He took a cautious sip of the coffee, testing the heat. "Thanks, bro. But I'm not sure I'm getting anywhere with this." Nate gestured to the open history books. "Maybe Mick and Zari are right, and I'm losing the hang of this Legends business. Maybe the ties were a mistake."

Ray hesitated a moment before shaking his head.

Nate cocked his head, staring at Ray for a moment as he studied the other man's subdued body language. "Do you agree with them?"

"No, don't be silly! I like your ties. The one with the dog holding a lightsaber makes me laugh. The thing is," Ray admitted after a moment, "it's great that you've found your place at the Time Bureau. But it kind of sucks not having you around here. The pizza parties just aren't the same."

"I miss you too, big guy," Nate said, and Ray beamed. "But it doesn't really explain why Zari's doing her Grumpy Cat impression." 

"I think Zari misses you too, you know? No one else around here laughs at her jokes."

Nate chuckled to himself. "She's pretty funny."

Ray nodded as if his point had been made. "Yeah, no one besides you thinks that."

*

The thing was, Nate reflected later, he did miss being around the team more often. Living in DC had been a good experience, if he didn't count the fact that it was a town full of Hanks. Hank himself had been less frustrating since the minotaur incident, as long as Nate remembered to steer the Friday night dinner conversations away from his pet controversies. Of which there were still many. 

"A-ha," Nate said to the empty library. He scanned the page in front of him for a third time, blinking away the sting of tiredness in his eyes. "Gotcha."

Charlie stopped just outside the library doorway and looked in, scowling. "You talking to me, mate?"

"How do you feel about a trip to heaven?" Nate asked.

"Is that a live music venue?"

"According to this, some scholars think it's where Ashtart keeps a fallen star she'd found." Nate thumped his fingers on the image in the thick book. "Sounds like her necklace, right?"

"No, it sounds like a goddess' private chamber. It's probably in an alternate dimension." Charlie's trademark scowl shifted into wariness, and she began to look unsettled at the mention of unearthly dimensions. "Even if you could figure out its location, you can't just walk over there from here."

"Gideon and I have been taking note of all the mentions of Ashtart's domain we could find, and cross-referencing them with all the historical events we know did happen in this regular dimension. It's complicated, because some of the Greek translations--" Nate paused, noticing that Charlie's eyes were starting to glaze over. "We're going to make a map and see where it leads."

"We are building a stairway to heaven," Gideon added, and Nate grinned.

"Add some Led Zeppelin to the playlist, Gideon."

*

"Well, this is a hell of a party spot," Zari said, as she took a bite of a doughnut. The cream centre smudged over her lips, and Nate watched as she wiped it away with the back of her hand.

Nate leaned back in the jumpship's co-pilot seat as he watched the outside world through the viewing window. The shuttle was sitting on an undulating open plain dotted with spindly olive trees. A lone goat had taken an interest in the unexpected shape standing in the middle of its home, and had begun curiously butting its horns against the exterior of the ship. He broke his own doughnut into pieces, popping the first segment into his mouth. "At least we have snacks."

"I'm never going to complain about the dumb costumes again. I'm just going to think to myself, Z, you could be in Lebanon in 1983 staking out an empty field and listening to Nate recap the entire plot to a movie about surfing."

"First of all, _Point Break_ is not just a movie about surfing. It has a lot of nuance to it. Second of all, come on, we're literally in the cradle of civilisation right now. I think that's pretty cool." 

"That's cause you're a big nerd," Zari pointed out, shoving him lightly. Nate grinned.

"Third of all," Nate continued, "it could be worse. You could have Mick as a stakeout partner."

"Ugh." Zari wrinkled her nose, acknowledging the truth of Nate's point. "How does one human being contain that much gas?"

"It's a mystery for the ages."

They lapsed into silence for a while. The goat was ambling slowly to the west, following a fresh trail of grass. 

Finally Zari took a deep sigh before she spoke. "Look, this isn't a heart to heart or anything."

Nate nodded seriously. "I would never make that mistake."

"But I get why you were freaking out about the stupid marriage thing."

"I wouldn't say I was freaking out--" Nate protested.

"It's 'cause you still miss Amaya."

"What? It's been months. I am totally over Amaya." Nate shook his head, but knew his denial sounded flimsy.

"You're not," Zari said drily, shrugging, "but it's funny that you pretend to be. You pictured yourself being married to her, not getting accidentally stuck on some dumb paperwork with me. So even though I still think it's pointless, I had Gideon draw up some historically accurate divorce papers. We can swing by Coast City and file them after we wrap this up." She gestured to the still, unchanging view outside the jumpship.

Nate smiled. "That's really nice of you, Z."

"Whatever."

"Though now I'm thinking I should have held out for a sweet divorce settlement."

"Sucks to be you. I literally don't own anything besides this totem." She touched the band sitting on her wrist, mindlessly rotating it in place as she talked.

"What about your limited edition Overwatch sweatshirt?" Nate asked.

"Wouldn't fit you." Zari spoke with a straight face, but Nate could identify the touches of a smile settling around her eyes. He couldn't help smiling back.

"Hmm. What about your gold watch?"

"I won that off Wild Bill fair and--"

The jumpship's console chimed loudly, interrupting the gathering steam of Zari's rant. Gideon's virtual face appeared in the display. "Incoming call from Hank Heywood."

Nate groaned loudly in dismay. "Tell him we're on a mission. I'll call him back later."

"I'm afraid I already tried that. He insisted." Gideon sounded faintly insulted.

"He pulled the 'I'm the boss' move, didn't he?" Nate narrowed his eyes, fighting a too-familiar wave of irritation.

"Indeed. He threatened to slash my fuel budget. Connecting now." Immediately Hank's face appeared, filling up the display screen and wearing the intense glower Nate had faced a million times. Nate tried to hide his flinch, but from the way Zari shifted to look at him he could tell that he hadn't succeeded.

"Hello, Hank."

There was no greeting. Hank's face in the display was pink with annoyance. "How could you do this to your mother?" he demanded.

"Um." Nate glanced questioningly over at Zari, who only shrugged in return. "Do what to Mom?"

"Elope!" Hank exploded. "You disappear with no contact for over two years, and then I have to read about your wedding in a Time Bureau report?"

"Are you stalking me?" Nate asked flippantly, before he could think better of it.

"I didn't know being interested in the exploits of my son the superhero was considered stalking. I also assumed that if anything momentous happened, you'd have the courtesy to pick up the phone and let us know. Clearly I was wrong."

"I'm sure that happens a lot," Zari muttered.

Hank scowled, peering at the screen. "Did you say something, son?"

"Nope," Nate said quickly. "Look, Dad--"

"Hi, Hank." Zari leaned forward, inserting herself between Nate and Hank's face and raising her voice. "Zari here. Mrs Heywood? The other one, obviously. Look, Nate and and I were trying to keep this secret for a while. Extend the honeymoon for a while. You know how it is."

Nate coughed on a surprised laugh. He held his breath, waiting for Hank to react to Zari's mocking words with his usual sharp tongue. Instead, Hank's face broke into an unexpected smile. 

"Of course. Nathaniel's mother and I look forward to getting to know you. Perhaps--"

"Dad, gotta go." Despite the day's clear sky, there was a rumbling sound like thunder coming in. Zari looked up, eyes scanning in every direction for incoming threats.

"Nathaniel, we are in the middle of a conversation." Hank's dark expression was returning.

"I know we are, and I always look forward to talking to you," Nate answered, swallowing down on the transparent falsehood.

"But right now we have a goddess to catch," Zari finished for him. She lowered her hand on the display, and the call ended.

In front of them, the air began to undulate and shimmer. The landscape split vertically, like curtain being drawn open, and Ashtart stepped through.

*

"Told ya," Charlie said. She was hanging at the back of the infirmary, leaning against the wall.

The rest of the Legends were clustered around the infirmary chairs. Sara sighed. "Look on the bright side. We confirmed the location of Ashtart's safehouse."

Mick chuckled. "And Z and Pretty got their asses kicked."

"Yeah." Zari made an unhappy face, trying to wriggle away from Ray as he hovered over her with sterile wipes and bandages. There were cuts and bruises across her arms, but she hardly seemed to notice. "Who would have thought it was possible to toss a goat that far?"

"And accurately," Nate added.

Zari swatted at Ray with her hands, gently shoving him away. "I'm fine, seriously, Palmer. Go bother Nate. He's the one who got hit in the face with a farm animal."

Zari caught Nate's gaze, her eyes lit with amusement as Ray made a beeline towards him. Nate wiped his fingers across his stinging temple, and found they came away damp with blood. Ray clucked unhappily at the sight.

"How does a steel man manage to get cut, anyway?" Charlie asked.

"Guess I was distracted." Nate glanced at Zari for a moment more before looking away. "I did notice one thing. Ashtart wasn't wearing her necklace today."

Zari spoke up in agreement. "I did notice that. She came out of that hole in reality without it."

"Yes!" Nate gestured in excitement. "The necklace is what hypnotised Jessica into leaving her future husband. Without it, Ashtart's just another romance coach giving people terrible advice. So we don't need to defeat Ashtart. We just need to get that necklace."

The team was silent for a moment.

"You're talking about stealing it, right?" Mick asked.

Nate smiled at him. "You bet."

Sara nodded decisively. "Okay. Mick, Charlie, find Constantine and see what ideas he's got for pulling an interdimensional heist. Nick and Zari, stop whining and let Ray and Gideon check your injuries. Ray, when you're done with these crybabies, go down to the cargo bay and see if the goat's okay."

*

Hours later, Nate found Zari in the common area.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked.

"Sure. I was just going to finish the rest of these stakeout doughnuts." Zari held out the half-empty box. "Want one?"

Nate shook his head, sitting down beside her. "I was actually just wondering why you said that thing earlier. To my dad."

"Because your dad's a jerk," Zari said, frowning at him as if the answer should be obvious. "I don't like when he talks to you like that. Did you really want to tell him we just screwed up the mission?"

"No," Nate admitted. "But faking wedded bliss seems, uh. Extreme?"

Zari rolled her eyes, licking icing off her fingers and speaking with her mouth full. "Who's pretending? I told a white lie to shut him up. In six months you can tell him we're getting a divorce. You can even tell him it's all my fault."

"Okay. But for the record, if you were to get divorced for real, I'm sure it would be at least sixty percent the other person's fault." Nate nudged her gently with one shoulder, a easy smile crossing his face. This close, she smelled like sugar and cinnamon.

Zari made an unimpressed face. "Ugh, not a realistic scenario. Marriage is a medieval hoax invented by men, and I'm never falling for it."

Nate considered this thoughtfully before he spoke. "I mean, I know we're time travelers? But there's no being sure of what's going to happen in the future."

"That's true. It's not like I ever saw myself living on this death trap with you losers. Not that you live here anymore," she amended.

"Yeah." Nate nodded. "I missed you a lot too."

"Whoa, whoa." Zari crammed the rest of the pastry in her hand into her mouth. The space between her eyebrows wrinkled up into a scowl. "I did not say that I missed you."

"Maybe I'm just learning to speak Zari."

Zari's expression softened as she gazed at him. "I seriously doubt that, Heywood."

*

He was asleep on a stack of crates when Ray entered the cargo bay the next morning.

"Sorry," he said cheerfully, as Nate opened his eyes with a surprised yawn. "I didn't mean to wake you. Just bringing some fresh water for our guest." 

The goat bleated softly. Nate watched as the goat pushed his muzzle forward and began to drink. Ray knelt to pat the goat's belly, then pulled his hand back and sneezed.

"Petting zoo party," Nate said. "I should put that on the idea list."

"Before or after the Indiana Jones theme night?" Ray asked. He carefully brushed the top of a crate clean, then sat down beside Nate. He looked at Nate, a small, worried line forming between his eyes. "Couldn't sleep?"

Nate shrugged. He'd had stretches of insomnia ever since college, but they'd been worse since he'd moved to the Time Bureau. Or maybe since Amaya had gone back to Zambesi. "Nah."

"Yeah. Your old bunk probably isn't as comfortable as your fancy bed in Washington."

"Fancy?" Nate repeated. "Dude, it's the Beltway. I sleep in a second-hand Ikea bed that I bought on Craigslist. It squeaks when I roll over? It's really annoying."

"Oh." Ray was silent for a minute, mulling this over. "I kind of imagined you had this cool, grown-up life out there."

"No matter where I am, I'm always going to be uncool. Besides, you had a grown-up life. You owned a company with your name on it and everything. You know it's not all it's cracked up to be."

Ray hummed contemplatively. "Sometimes I miss being rich. But I'd never trade it for, you know. Making a real difference."

"That's kind of how I feel about working at the Time Bureau. It's like, yeah, the traffic is terrible, and I have to budget for the first time in two years, and I can't just hang out with my friends all day. That part sucks. But the work is, well. It's necessary."

"I never thought of it that way."

Both men fell silent. The goat had finished slurping the water. He moved over to a pile of hay that had been stacked on the cargo bay floor and began to munch on the stalks.

"Is it true everyone thinks that I'm not over Amaya?" Nate asked suddenly.

Ray paused, biting his lip, a familiar tell that made Nate sigh. 

"Seriously? How pathetic does everyone think I am?"

"You're not pathetic," Ray said, his eyes going wide and earnest. "But we have noticed that you haven't dated anyone since she left."

"I'm just not interested in dating right now, I guess. I had a lot of meaningless hookups the first time Amaya went back to Zambesi, but I'm just not into that kind of thing any more. It's just an awkward dance with a total stranger. It's not like I can tell them what I do, or who I am, or really anything about me." Nate breathed a wistful exhale at the end of this speech.

"I get it. You want to be with someone who knows your secrets."

"Yes, dude. Exactly." Nate gestured widely to underscore his point.

"Someone who's there for you, day after day," Ray added.

Nate whistled a guilty exhale, noticing the distant expression that crossed Ray's face. "And now I feel like a jerk complaining about my lack of a love life when your girlfriend is still in time jail."

"It's okay. I'm really proud of Nora. She's trying really hard, you know? I'm really glad we could get this guy time," Ray said, as the goat abandoned the hay. It wandered closer to both men, eying Nate as if wondering if he contained any food.

Nate raised his curled right hand, extending it out for a fist bump. "Yeah, bro. It's good to be back."

*

"I can't believe we're back here again." Zari sat at the top of the  jumpship's boarding ramp, scowling at the scenery that they'd left just a few days before. "Doing nothing. Again."

"Someone's gotta stay with the getaway car." Nate imitated Mick's gruff wisdom, making Zari laugh. A few hundred feet away in the low brush, Constantine, Charlie, and Mick were beginning their uninvited ingress into Ashtart's domain. Charlie was crouched over, scratching symbols into the dry ground. Constantine was muttering the beginning of a spell, arms raised. Nate waved at him.

"Besides," he added after a moment, "would you really want to be with Ray and Sara and Ava, dealing with that lake monster?"

Zari shook her head. "Ugh, no. I don't swim."

"Plus we we have snacks." Nate shook a handful of peanut clusters into his palm before handing Zari the rest of the bag. 

In the distance Constantine had opened the gateway. It wasn't the neat seam Ashtart had conjured, but instead frayed at the edges where the heaven dimension met reality. The trio stepped through, momentarily vanishing.

"Do you think this will work?" Nate asked. Nerves were making his skin run hot and cold all over the way they did every mission.

Zari looked over at him, hesitating a moment before she put a reassuring hand against his back. "Of all the disaster plans that people on this team come up with, yours usually aren't the worst."

Nate nodded, leaning almost unconsciously into her touch. "Thanks, Z."

"Don't get too excited. I said, usually."

*

The open gateway was crackling with energy, and the air stank, like burning ozone. Constantine, Charlie, and Mick had emerged from the portal, and were running hard towards them.

Nate leaped to his feet. The rush of adrenaline turned his skin to steel for a moment, but there was no sign of Ashtart, or anything chasing them. The portal remained open even as Constantine drew away from it. The wind was beginning to pick up, swirling in the direction of the rift.

"Did you get it?" Zari asked as their teammates approached the jumpship.

"What's happening?" Nate asked at the same time. He had to shout to be heard over the descending disturbance.

Mick held up one hand. The necklace was dangling from his gloved fingers.

"I warned Sara there was a chance this bauble was connected to Ashtart's domain on a metaphysical level. Now that we've removed it without Ashtart's permission, the dimension's collapsing. Like that!" Constantine yelled, clapped his hands together in demonstration. He raced past Nate and into the jumpship. "There's going to be a wee bit of a blast radius."

"Well, I don't like it!" Mick shouted over the roar of the whirling wind.

"Can the Waverider actually take off in this?" Charlie asked.

"Guess we're going to find out," Zari said. "Or else we're all going to get sucked into that thing like water down the bathtub drain. Everyone, strap in."

A young cypress tree flew past, roots and all, and was swallowed by the open rift with a crunching sound. Zari buckled into the pilot's seat, frantic fingers tapping commands into the console. There was a fresh wave of unseen power vibrating through the air, and the entire ship shuddered violently. Nate stumbled at the entrance to the jumpship. 

"No!"

Nate turned at the sound of Charlie's scream. She was tumbling backwards, trapped in the force of motion that was propelling her towards the vortex. "Charlie!" Nate leapt out of the jumpship without thinking. In a few steps he was beside Charlie, wrapping his arm around her. He extended one steel hand to the ground. Nate grit his teeth, fingers digging hard into the dirt.

"Nate! Hang on to her!" Zari shouted. Perhaps it was the wind, Nate thought, that added a tremor to her voice. "I'm not sure how well I can aim."

"Oh, no no no," Charlie muttered, a prayer of panic as she clung to him. "You maniacs are not going to try to throw--"

"On three!" Zari yelled.

Nate counted to three, then let go of the ground. The air tugged invisibly towards Zari as she lifted her hand. Suddennly Nate and Charlie were both flying through the air. He put his arms around Charlie, sheltering her as best as he could as he braced for impact.

In the next moment, Nate and Charlie sailed through the timeship's open door. They landed on the floor of the shuttle with a gentle thud. Zari lowered her hand, releasing the push of air she'd used to launch him forward. Charlie bounced away from him and sat up. Her eyes filled with relief, the unguarded expression reminding him unexpectedly of Amaya. Nate looked away.

Mick had moved into the co-pilot's chair. He slammed his hand on the console, shutting the hatch, as Zari raced back to sit beside him. "Hang on to something!" he called. The jumpship began, straining, to lift off the ground.

"Guess I haven't lost my swag after all!" Nate shouted over the roar.

*

When he returned to the Waverider, Nate's phone was blinking with a missed message. Nate opened it, and sighed.

*

"I have good news and bad news," Nate said as he entered the common room. "No, scratch that, actually it's just bad news. We're going to have to cancel Trivial Pursuit night." 

Zari was cross-legged in front of one of the monitors with a game controller in her hand, frowning at the screen. She turned her head to look at him, raising both eyebrows. "That's not bad news. Everyone is tired of getting their asses kicked by you and Ray."

Nate blinked at her, suddenly distracted. "Wait, is that true? No one said anything."

Zari shrugged. "What's the other bad news?"

"My mother has invited us to a party this weekend?"

"Us?" Zari repeated. "As in you and me? Together?"

"Well, I think we're not so much invited as the guests of honour," Nate admitted reluctantly. "She wanted to know how to spell your name for the party favours."

"Ha." Mick stepped out of a shadowy corner where he'd been leaning against a wall, shoulders slouched over. Nate jumped, his heart stuttering over a beat.

"Shit, Mick. Have you been lurking there this whole time?" 

Mick shrugged, sipping from his beer. He looked over at Zari. "Look on the bright side, Z. Pretty's loaded. Milk it while you can."

"Also I already said yes," Nate added.

Zari groaned.

"I hate disappointing my mother," Nate admitted. "But you're right. This is stupid. I'll just call her and tell her this whole thing is fake."

"Without mentioning time travel?" Zari asked.

"Or the smoke show with the shiny necklace," Mick added.

"Or how we broke the barrier of a magical prison fighting Mallus. Okay, hmmn. Going to have to think this through."

"Yeah," Zari said, "Except it doesn't matter, because there's no way we pull this off. No one's going to buy us as a couple."

"Why not? It's like a regular mission cover story. We pull that off all the time."

"Do we really?" Zari asked him.

Mick spoke up. "All you have to do is make dumb smiley faces at Pretty and maybe hold his hand a couple of times. You guys do that stuff already."

"What? No, I only let Nate do that during scary movies," Zari protested.

"And I appreciate it," Nate added sincerely. "We should have another _Halloween_ marathon."

"Don't see him holding my hand," Mick pointed out. He left the room, grabbing what was left of his six-pack on his way out.

*

It was snowing lightly in DC. Nate and Zari stood on the Heywood's doorstep and listened to the doorbell chiming inside the house. Zari shook snowflakes from her shoulders.

"You look nice," Nate said softly.

"Thanks." Zari glanced up at him in surprise. She looked down at the long dress she was wearing under a wool coat. "I had Gideon replicate some 2018 party clothes."

"Well, tell Gideon," Nate paused, with gently cynical emphasis, "I said 'thank you'. She didn't have to do this."

"Yeah, she did. Besides, there's going to be a price to pay. Gideon just hasn't decided what it is yet."

"Well, I look forward to it." Nate couldn't help smiling at her.

In return, Zari's eyes lit with a silent laugh. "Oh, I wouldn't. Gideon's got a lot of tricks up her sleeve."

"You're not going to hack my phone to play Justin Timberlake nonstop again, are you?" Nate asked.

"I did that to help you. You need to choose a stronger pass--"

The door creaked open. Nate's mom was standing in the doorway, her face breaking into a flustered smile. "Nate! Come in. I don't know where the doorman's gotten to. You must be Zari."

"In the flesh," Zari said, yelping in undignified surprise as Dot threw her arms around her in a hug. Nate hid a smile at the faintly stunned expression on Zari's face. 

"Coat?" one of the doormen prompted. Nate shrugged off his jacket, gazing around at the busy house. Guests were congregating in every corner. He could feel the conversation shifting around him as the crowd began to notice Zari's arrival.

"You promised me a small gathering," Nate stage-whispered to his mother.

"She wanted to rent out a ballroom," Hank said, striding into the room. He greeted Nate with a brisk handshake. "Be grateful she got the guestlist down to 100."

"Give me a break," Dot said, leaning up to kiss Nate on the cheek. "Can't I celebrate a little? I was starting to think my son would never get married."

*

Nate's grandmother was sitting by the Christmas tree, steadily getting drunker. "And then he sat down right in the middle of the stage," she told Zari. "Refused to say any more of his lines or let the play go on."

Nate sighed, giving up on his attempts to pull Zari away from his grandmother's reminiscing. "The fourth grade Thanksgiving play was historically inaccurate, okay? I couldn't participate in that farce."

"By the Easter play, I think the school had learned their lesson. They just let him read in the corner during practice."

Zari's eyes darted over to Nate, gleefully taking in his embarassment. "That is a great story. You don't happen to have a photo, do you?"

"Seriously?" Nate whispered to her. "We live on a supercomputer with access to all of recorded history."

"Yeah, but this is way more fun." Zari raised her hand, patting Nate on the cheek. 

"Nate!" his cousin Stephanie's  screech pierced through the DJ's tasteful medley of 80s hits as she made a targeted beeline from across the room. She clutched Zari's hand tightly, and Nate could feel the gentle gusts of air in motion as she tried to pull away. A loose cocktail napkin blew into the fireplace and burned up in an instant.

Nate reached out, gently pulling the women's hands apart. "Whoa. Hey, Steph. Didn't know you came all the way from Florida for this."

"Of course I did!" Stephanie lowered her volume only slightly as she leaned into speak to them.  Zari leaned back warily, inching closer to Nate. "Just in time, it looks like. How have you not gotten Sierra a ring yet?"

"Oh." Nate and Zari's eyes met as he searched for words. "Her name is Zari, with a Z, and we decided not to bother with all that."

"Not bother with a ring?" Stephanie sounded scandalised.

Zari spoke up, disdain leaching into her words. "Nope. Not that that ginormous rock you're wearing isn't pretty, but basing all your customs around insipid consumption is actually one of the reasons the entire world goes to hell in the next--"

Nate interrupted her. "Okay, Z. I think Steph gets the picture."

No one in the group spoke for a moment.

"She's perfect for you," Hank said, dripping sarcasm.

"Don't start, Dad."

"Nathaniel."

"Everyone, remember we're here to celebrate." Dot cut into the conversation. She clung to her champagne flute with a death grip, gesturing with false cheer. "Zari, why don't we eat and have a chat? The servers are coming around with the second round of food. We have all of Nate's favourites. There's bacon-wrapped shrimp, and bacon-wrapped scallops, and deep-fried bacon--"

"Mom, Zari doesn't eat pork. I sent you an email about this," Nate said as he cut her off firmly.

"Oh, that's right." His mother looked fretfully into her champagne glass. 

"She's not actually going to stick with that, is she?" Nate's grandmother asked, squinting at Zari.

Nate took a steadying breath before he spoke. Beside him, Zari was silent, glancing down at the floor. "Stick with what, exactly?"

"Oh, well, you know. It's just that our family's always been Presbyterian."

Nate stared at her in disbelief. "Grandma. Please. When's the last time you actually went to church?"

"That's not the point, Nathaniel. Stephanie's husband is Jewish, and he converted, didn't he? It wasn't a big deal." 

"And he cared enough to buy me a ring," Stephanie said.

"I don't see why anyone would want to belong to that war cult anyway," his uncle Rich spoke up.

"And that's enough," Nate said, as a jab of anger began to settle behind his eyes. "I can't believe I even imagined this was a not-terrible idea. And look, Rich, Pope Urban II called the First Crusade in 1095, which means it's been a thousand years, so maybe it's time for you to stop fighting it. Zari is great, okay? She's smart and funny and beautiful and the first person I would want around when there's bad stuff happening. I would never ask her to change anything about herself, and I would never ask her to come around for this disaster _All In the Family_ reenactment. Even if she actually had been dumb enough to agree to marry me."

The entire room was staring, dumbfounded. Nate's brain had finally begun to catch up with the rush of unfiltered words. His heart pounded anxiously as he fell silent.

"I'm sorry, did you just say you're not married?" Hank asked after a moment. "Nathaniel, why would you play such a terrible trick on the family?"

His mother was staring at him with sad eyes, and Nate felt a fresh wave of guilt. "The answer to that is sort of classified, Hank. Which means I'll tell you on Monday. Mom, it's a wonderful party. I'm going to take some of that bacon home. But we're definitely going to go now."

*

Nate stepped out onto the porch a few minutes later carrying a full stack of Tupperware. 

"Hey," he said quietly as the heavy oak door closed behind him.

Zari was standing on the walk halfway to the gate, her fingers tucked into her pockets. Snowflakes landed in her hair and eyelashes, then melted away. She was staring at him as if she'd never seen him before. She hadn't spoken in several minutes. 

"Listen, I'm sorry about my family," Nate said. He left footprints in the thin layer of snow on the steps, and came to stand in front of her.

"Did you mean any of that stuff you said about me?" she asked.

"Oh, no. Completely off-the-cuff and made up." Nate's shoulders hunched up defensively. He sounded awkward and unconvincing even to himself.

"So that's a yes, then. How long has that been a thing?"

"Since Grandma's fourth whiskey tonic," Nate said. "Or for most of this year? I'm not really sure, to be honest."

She was quiet again.

"I'm sorry--" Nate began.

Zari kissed him. She stretched up on her toes, nearly coming out of her heeled shoes as she pressed her face close to his. Wordlessly Nate tilted his chin downwards, letting her press her mouth against his. Zari's lips were warm and soft.

It lasted just a moment. Nate fought a dazed smile as Zari pulled away. "What was that?"

"I have no idea," Zari admitted. "But it was--"

"Nice," Nate said. "Right?"

"We could do it again. Maybe? Ugh. I am not good at this."

"You're doing okay. I know feelings aren't really your thing."

Zari gave him a shy, lopsided shrug. "Yeah, well. I'm trying not to be like that all the time."

Nate kissed her first this time. Her mouth opened, breathing a soft, surprised laugh against his. 

There was a honking sound from the curb. Zari pulled back.

"Uber's here," she said without looking away from his face.

Nate couldn't stop staring back. He nodded, taking a deep breath. "Okay. Let's go get a divorce."

*fin.

**Author's Note:**

> [Title is this poem by Matthew Siegel, which gave me super duper N/Z vibes.](https://poets.org/poetsorg/poem/and-sometimes-i-know-i-am-having-feeling)
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> Come say hi on [dreamwidth](https://dirty-diana.dreamwidth.org) or [tumblr](http://sweeter-than.tumblr.com).


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